Just Mindless Ramblings

Just arrived from Sunday Mass and lo and behold, the person who I hoped not to see on these occasions was sitting right in front of me!!  Actually we’re not even acquaintances.  He, being a former local public figure, was known to almost everyone who regularly goes to church.  It was our former (assistant?) parish priest.  Former, because he got married to this woman, some years back.  The woman was with him at that time together with their two kids.  I usually saw him some rows further but now he was in the row right in front of me.

My heart sank.  No, I didn’t feel any condemnation for him for I am, I think, more of a sinner.  I sobbed a little.  So that is what crying inside means…  I had mixed feelings which actually I did not and still do not understand.  No condemnation or anger for him, mind you.

I have very high esteem for priests and their vocation.  Feeling somewhat like they are an extension of God himself, which they really are.  No, I didn’t feel angry toward the woman too.  I understand that these people are humans and subject to the temptations just like all of us.  I think frustration about the situation would be nearer the mark.  It hurt me more to hear his voice singing along with the crowd… the voice that I associated with leading the Mass itself.  A voice so familiar that it stood out from the rest.  This priest was a really good singer too and unlike some whose voice would be overwhelmed by the voice of the lector, his voice had an authoritative ring to it so that whenever he officiated the Mass, most sleepy people had no choice but to listen.   I felt like it was a waste that he should leave the vocation, being an obvious asset (like all the rest of course).

This led me to some reflection…  God does permit those things to happen even though it hurts Him so..  His love for us is so great that he allows us to do things even if it means His sacrifice..  It is up to us to listen and follow His teachings and ministrations.  Most of us are blinded by our personal interests.  We cannot see beyond what we want.  We just stop there and never for a moment stop to reflect how God would think of it.

I really think its best. from time to time, to have some self torture on how we are hurting God with our sins.  But the bottom line is, do we love Him enough to change ourselves, our habits and practices?  Could be that we make this resolution during prayer time and forget about it 30 minutes after..  I’m always guilty of that…  I just pray that whatever happens Lord, please don’t let go of me… Hold on to me because I cannot do it myself.

~ by jai01 on April 29, 2007.