Just Mindless Ramblings

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I didn’t want to watch the movie as I had seen it already like 5 times.  But then I realized that I didn’t quite understand the story, only the scenes looked familiar.

The movie opens with Angelina Jolie as Amelia, a cop discovering the a body of a millionaire half buried near an Amtrak railway in New York with the index finger cut off.  The wife of this guy was taken while alive and brought to a place underneath the streets where she died, killed by hot steam being blown on her.

Lincoln Rhyme played by Denzel Washington is a paralyzed decorated forensics ex-detective whose mind is still active and very much interested in helping solve the case.  He recognized Amelia’s potential in forensics observing the initiative she displayed when she stopped the Amtrak train because of the crime scene at hand.

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The murderer would not kill his prime victims himself but set them up to die from causes natural or orchestrated by him, leaving little bits of paper as a puzzle for Lincoln, on his hi-tech hospital bed with the computers, scanners and all the gadgets around, to decipher.

It later turned out that the little pieces of paper put together showed the logo of a publisher of turn-of-the-century crime books where one of the books was titled The Bone Collector.  Not so original this one.  The murderer was actually following the storyline of The Bone Collector in presenting his crime scenes which was the final clue leading to the rescue of the final victim, a little girl who was tied with her grandpa to the post of a wharf and left to drown when the tide came up.

The movie is quite gruesome as it pictures flesh being cut out of arms or legs just to take out a piece of bone from a living person.  And Lincoln actually bites the murderer’s neck his teeth cutting into the jugular vein (yucks!), his mouth all bloody when the murderer finally goes into his apartment to kill him.

Unknown to Lincoln, during his active days when he made a lot of pronouncements and opinions on pending cases, his opinion sent to jail one cop who was on the losing end.  This guy held that against him and started killing people, taking out a piece of bone, to catch his attention.  This point is what makes the movie confusing.  Why take pains to kill other people when he could just go straight to Lincoln’s apartment to kill him?  After all, Lincoln could hardly fight back given his situation.

Overall, it was an interesting, yucky movie if we remove the vindictive twist.  And oh, Lincoln told Amelia when he was giving her a pep talk that “Destiny is what we make it.”   During a discussion on his “final transition”, his arranged euthanasia, Amelia had the chance to tell him that too. Touché!

Wondering to no end how my former boss could be so pissed off at me.. It’s not like I did something bad to him, I didn’t.

After having been a super obedient member of the staff, I felt then that I did not deserve to be treated that way because I did everything I could to follow instructions not minding the extremity of it all — to the max! just to avoid being “insubordinate”

I went away because I could not anymore take being dragged into an office conflict, the sleepless nights, the pressure, verbal instructions that would eventually result in more hostility.  I mean, how could he not understand that and sympathize to the cause?  He laid out the groundwork to get me separated from the service and pursued that until, yes, finally I was out.  Was he not content with that?

Who would not get hurt with this kind of treatment?  But I took it all in stride vowing to myself that I will really leave all that war behind and concentrate on my life ahead.  But still, when I asked for my employment documents, he took the opportunity again to pressure me, making up ridiculous requirements.

It is a wonder what a person “in power” will resort to just to put pressure on people who go against their will.  Going against his will does not mean blatant disobedience on my part.  I just went away coz I couldn’t stand it anymore.  God know the tears I cried when 30 minutes after verbally consenting to my leave application, he changed his mind and said that he will not allow me to go.  I do believe that he TOTALLY forgot that I did previously follow ALL his orders TO THE LETTER and that I do have a life and kids to think about.

So here I am now, trying to comply with his ”special” instructions as best I can however painful it might be, and unjustifiable too.  The answer to the question is obvious, he wants to get back at me for leaving.  I realize now that this is a penalty for trying to get my life back.

I found the article in the church bulletin yesterday and I realized that most people do have misconceptions regarding Valentine’s Day.  For many, this has never been a day to honor a saint.  The focus has been on finding someone to be with on this day, maybe giving or receiving some red roses or chocolates.  Although it is true that this day is about love, the person behind it has been  forgotten or yet worse still, unknown to the majority.

I was thinking it might be worthwhile to post that article, specially for the younger generation.  However, it cannot be denied that during Valentine’s Day, the heart yearns for the special someone.  Could be a reflex, but looking at the couples around who have each other, one cannot help but load up the cellphone with credits to chat the night away.  Harharhar!! Anyways..

I tried so hard to the point of panic, to do what was expected of me which included a lot of things that I did not expect.  Well, some consolation, actually I’m enthralled (what a word!) to know that I had actually improved that last 12 months.  She told me so, but I said that I didn’t notice it which was true.  Maybe I was too occupied with the (horrible) events of last year and trying to cope that I didn’t notice that I was already coping.  To God be the glory!

It’s amazing what words of approval can do for the self esteem AND performance of a person.  Result? I don’t feel so sleepy in the mornings and actually look forward to going to work.  So I rewarded myself with an overnight session of photoshop.  I really wanted to spend some time on this because my kids are getting to be good at this kind of thing.  I find it an interesting and inexpensive way of occupying myself here rather than going out and buying things.  And so now I would like to share with you one of my projects. Take note that this is an amateur attempt without any formal instruction.  Ta daaahh!!

What do you think? Could be better, I know.  But given time, I might just improve using this trial and error thing.

One of my friends said to me, is it still “Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang?”  Hmmm… not really.  Apparently they thought I would be stuck on that forever.  Life changes no matter how much we hold on, still the saying “the only thing constant is change” holds true.  But somehow, a part of that song still remains.

The past year it has been “Thank You” by Dido.  Not so mushy anymore.  A bit practical, grateful nonetheless, well obviously as the title says.  But lately “Irreplaceable” is starting to sound appealing.  This is strange because at the same time “Kahit Isang Saglit” and “Kailangan Koy Ikaw” still pulls at the heartstrings.  Those two songs definitely contradict the first.  Curious this situation.  Could it be that the crossroads has been reached and a decision ready to be made?  Two against one! Hehehe!!  Scales are tipped to one side..  But on second thought, these should be for two different persons.

It’s a bit weird to analyze our feelings by the songs that appeal to us at some point.  Maybe I’m just wierdly romantic but those songs are what keep me company here so there is the tendency to dissect, analyze and identify.  Oh well, not good to dwell too much on those things.  And by the way, the computer got a virus from all the Limewire downloads.. Hahaha!! Tagam!!

It’s hard to believe that I have been here for more than a year already.  Seems like yesterday when I arrived, fresh, excited and very very optimistic.  The optimism seems to have waned a bit but recognizing the blessedness of the situation, one cannot help but praise the Lord for arranging the circumstances that led to this.

Two months have passed since I last wrote on this blog.  I have been meaning to do so but schedules have been hectic, travelling, updating my work, etc.

So last week was the chance again to go riding about on the river, in a speedboat, meeting the fieldmen.  I regret not being able to give them a welcome smile but I was already becoming dizzy with jumping from one station to the other (10 all in all) and cramming up the inventory count in just 4 days!! The stations are very far apart, mind you.  The shortest travel time between stations would be an hour at least.

So now, I’m all drained but still in the seventh heaven.  Anim na tulog nalang!! Ooohhh I’m really so excited.  I hope I will be able to blog again on my Christmas happenings.. Hehehe!!

Comes the time when I feel so happy, I fear what comes next.  Well right now I’m feeling quite lonely.  When I text people, they don’t answer.  When I send them a hi on YM, they sign out.  Hmmm.. I wonder.. As it is, the internet is my only link to the outside world, rather my home, family and friends in the Philippines.  Sometimes it bothers me to the extent that I call them outright.  At times I just make up excuses like: maybe they did not receive my text message (impossible!) or maybe the chat message did not come through (lalong impossible!!)  Oh well.. That’s how I am, I make excuses for people maybe to avoid resenting them or just in order to accept the fact that some really do not want to be disturbed.  I for one have instances that go online just to chat to my sister or my daughter or that special someone, for a specific purpose.  That’s why I understand when people ignore me.  Hehehe!!  Why then as WHAT HAPPENED?

The other week, I felt like I was in heaven.. Ooohhh.. charing.. well, I had my vacation leave and had the chance to go around, shop a bit, and my visitor was with me!! That was great! But then again, it’s taboo to talk about it.. that’s the down part.. so no use blogging about it.. well, I made a powerpoint file with all the text and pictures about our trip for future use when we want to go down memory lane.

 One of my friends here said that he had gone places when he was younger but regrets the fact that he didn’t take pictures.  I used to be like that before, quite considering it ummm… unnecessary? But now when we are older, yes, the memories dim.. when we talk about our experiences and travel we cannot visualize the places anymore.  Which is why I am now trying to capture special moments on camera because as you well know, these moments can never be duplicated again, ever.. Ciao!

Having read the much circulated email regarding the words of Art Bell, supposedly a radio talk show host degrading Filipinos (to say the least), my friend commented "sampalin ko to..".  I had already read that email several times before and received it again after almost two years. Some words seemed so silly, like why would Mr. Bell complain about Filipinos claiming to be Asians?  Of course we are Asians, we live in Asia, don’t we?  But then again, I was wondering how he could hate Filipinos that much.  Puzzles me..

Nah, I don’t really feel like blogging..  It’s just that my laundry still hasn’t dried up so I still cannot iron them.. Maybe in another two hours.. But I can’t type that long here!  Sunday is meant to be a rest day, a mind-rest day!! so, bye..

So here I am, living my life in this box apartment working 6/7 having a daily itinerary of home-office-home. It’s not so boring though, the work keeps me occupied. However, on Sundays, I do feel an extreme need to ignore the work that I have saved in my flashdrive with the intention of finishing it at home. We do take some time off after hearing Sunday mass which is celebrated during Saturday afternoon. Some pizza or other fast food in a nearby restaurant takes away the drudgery of our daily routine. Other officemates would see that as pretty trifle but for us, saving as best we can to be able to send money to our families, it is a luxury that our budget has to bear to keep us from going down the road to depression. Hearing from my daughter that my ex went home with his "wife", I didn’t feel a thing anymore. No more anger or hurt, I actually felt a bit sorry for him. He already has 5 kids with her. I told my daughter to be pleasant to her since apparently, he loved her more than he loved us, if he did in the first place. It’s a strange thing. Time can really heal old wounds, not just a dose of anesthesia to make you feel numb coz when it wears off, the pain returns. This, coupled with acceptance of God’s will in our lives makes us look to the future with hope. Speaking of future, it really is uncertain. One would not expect that I will be here at this very moment. I dare not think of how God would rate me for if I were to evaluate myself, I would have long been terminated by the Terminator. But the blessings that He has provided are signs that He is a merciful and loving Father. Only someone who is desperately in love would forgive and forget that much.